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Posted by hajamie On April - 15 - 2009ADD COMMENTS

Cocaine to be used in schools

Cocaine is one hell of a drug

Cocaine is one hell of a drug

A new government initiative is being launched, which aims to decrease school children’s contact with dangerous drug dealers, improve attendance and increase productivity.  The main idea behind this initiative, lead by Gordon Brown, is to replace free milk for children with free crack.  This is likely a more popular idea than that of Margaret Thatcher, who abolished free milk in schools.  Instead of “milk snatcher”, Gordon Brown is to be known for “spreading the crack around”.

It is thought that the main reason for this highly creative directional change on the part of the government is to get children off the streets between the hours of 8:30 and 3:30.  It is expected that absence from schools will decrease as the well known addictive properties of the drug take hold.  Studies have also shown that productivity in schools is likely to increase as a cause of the drug.  Unfortunately productivity may be followed by depression, so part of the governments budget for the initiative is to be spent on a small army of counsellors and psychiatrists.  This move has been welcomed by counsellors and psychiatrists.

It is not yet known wether the drug will also be rationed to teachers, some of whom are reported to spend as much as half their saleries on such drugs in order ease the pressures of dealing with dilinquant teenagers.  A spokesman from the National Union of Teachers (apprpriatedly abbreviated to NUT) has gone on record saying that strikes may follow if such teacher hand outs are not given.

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